Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
