Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
