so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
