I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
