Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
