You just made me feel so damn special
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
