yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
