I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
