I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That accounts for only three of the penises
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
