so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
