two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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