meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
These tits shall not be calmed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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