you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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