turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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