He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
