that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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