He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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