Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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