I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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