Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
