you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
