I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
