you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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