I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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