The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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