I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
