I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
