forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
