Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
