Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
