thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
