Got a toothbrush?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
