Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
