Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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