upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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