stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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