She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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