no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
