Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
