I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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