Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
