Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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