Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
