just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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