you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
