I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
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