Got a toothbrush?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
