and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
