It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
