worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
