alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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