If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
