My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
