the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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