He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Swine flu. Run for my life!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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