dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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