We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
