I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
