i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
