i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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