i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
