No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
